breaking point

Hellish this world with its plastic bottles and vehicle fumes. It's difficult to see where humanity ends and depravity begins. They are two sides of the same coin. Perhaps it has never been any different; only now there are more of us with a greater technological capacity, allowing us to cause more damage to a planet that has grown tired of our callousness towards it. Despite being the rulers of our own destiny, as a species we are hell bent on self destruction. The selfish and blinkered nature of modern society only lends itself to furthering this traumatic decline. Yet it could all be so different, principals and morality are the only things missing and every human has the potential for these. Giving a shit about the environment and the other people and things in it. Just having a clue and giving a damn. That's it, just giving a second thought to something other than that which is under your nose automatically makes the world a better place. Altruism is the only beautiful thing in the world, but it's probably a step too far for most. Compassion though and patience should not be - the cultivation of these things is worthwhile both on a personal level for a greater awareness and inner happiness but even more beneficial is the fact that others will prosper as well. But where to begin in a world where even those that know these things struggle to put them into practice in the face of overwhelming practical and financial constraints. We constrict those who help others in real terms as part of their working lives - nurses, teachers, conservationists and disproportionately reward those who make little or no difference to the greater good - bankers, footballers and executives of corporations who put profit above sustainability. We've bred multiple generations of fame hungry wannabees who's interest in the real issues of life is increasingly paling in the face of concern over entertainment, fashion and frivolity. Again, perhaps it's always been like this but everything is exaggerated, including the effects of this ignorance and disinterest. Never have we been better equipped to educate and communicate throughout the populus yet instead I get the impression the younger generations are ever more eager to blame the mistakes of those gone before rather than taking responsibility for change into their own hands. I remember learning about recycling and littering some twenty years ago at school and thinking it would be second nature to young people by the time I was an adult. But putting rubbish in the bin or saving water has, if anything, become a dying art - environmentalism is unfashionable. Consumerism and expendability are en vogue in a disposable culture that buries it's rubbish, burns fossil fuels and makes light of the consequences. I hope I'm wrong. But if not, soon it won't just be other species in far flung destinations feeling the effects of our wasteful nature, millions will suffer and die. This world of plastic bottles and vehicle fumes cannot continue to sustain itself.

Back here.

It grows up on you, the greatest shit storm of them all. Biting at your coat tails and pulling you, holding you back. You can try to run but at best you take a few stressful stunted steps before you realise it is as hapless as it is hopeless. Reality has you, responsibility grabbing and gnawing away at those freedoms that are all but gone, the wistful dreams and ambitions of youth now disappearing desperately out of reach. This is our world; we’re inexorably tied to it. The same dreams and hopes are set by the same conditioning that confines and binds us. I’ve never known anything different, except for a few all too short months when I set myself against the commercial charge of vanity and self sufficiency and put my all into a greater cause and tried to make a difference. But even that was in vain, there is scant reward for contributing to the greater good and even scanter prospects for the futures of those that do. At somepoint you have to bite the bullet and put quality of life over quality of spirit. So, just a few months later I find myself heading towards solvency but consumed by a corporate terror that shakes me to my core, I sleep at night but for how long. In this situation, as ever, the only way out seems to be these key strokes, this prose, this mess of a mind brought to life through words. Some vague hope that there is a dream to be fulfilled typing – with every word leading to pennies and security without treading that commercial path that consumes and dooms the soul in equal measure. Strange that the creative world, so revered at the highest level puts up the greatest barriers of entry, whilst the world of business is so unfussy in who it rewards and affords it accolades to. I have so much to say but not the time or means to tell it, these words here fall on absent ears.